Fractured and Fighting

In addition to having a crippling alcohol addiction, I have also become quite fond of nicotine. I smoked for several years from my precocious youth, through my 20’s and most of my 30’s. Attempting to quit happened several times during that period with varied success, and I usually started smoking again. I tried all the usual suspects: patches, gum, lozenges, vapes, lollipops, toothpicks, etc. etc. The latter part of my thirties and this most recent attempt at quitting had me vaping for the most part while also having nicotine lozenges handy in a pinch. Nicotine is definitely not a habit I would like to keep for a lifetime, but I have more immediate vices that need shelving. 

I had relied heavily on lozenges recently as they were easily concealable and indoor-friendly. During the beginning of my ankle saga, I became quite spoiled with the ease of having lozenges handy. I had nicotine lozenges within arms reach in my hospital room, and the nurses never gave me a hard time about having them in my possession. When I got moved to the rehab hospital for the first round of antibiotics, I knew I had to tread lightly. Being the nicotine addict that I am, I already knew a few things for certain: there would be no smoking anywhere, period. I also knew from experience that the knock on vapes was that they can cause “fire hazards” with oxygen nozzles in every patient’s room, so those were also a no-go. A lot of hospitals would provide you with a patch, but the path never did anything for me. When I asked the staff they said they could give me nicotine gum, but I never really fancied the gum since I always felt that when the flavor ran out, the nicotine ran out! I was also never to have any nicotine in my possession while there. Needless to say, my options were limited. I had a few containers of lozenges stashed, but I would run out quickly. Time to test the waters!

With my Amazon Prime account in fully paid status, two-day deliveries were a plenty. I ordered the Costco Kirkland brand pack of nicotine lozenges off Amazon, so in classic Costco fashion, TEN containers of nicotine lozenges were heading my way. I wasn’t sure how the staff would handle any incoming packages, so I eagerly waited to see what would happen. Thank God they arrived when Sergio, the cool security guard, was on duty. Seeing as English was not his native tongue, the language barrier played in my favor. I did open the package in front of him, but he didn’t bat an eyelash at what they actually were. I opened the package and stashed a few containers here and a few containers there, separating my booty as any good pirate would. 

Not an hour later, the head security guard was knocking on my door to confiscate the contraband I had just received! Holy cow! Word spread quickly! I was given some BS reason about how they couldn’t let me have that much nicotine in my possession and that other patients might try to steal them. All of a sudden I was the Tony Montana of the Denver Rehab Hospital, only my drugs were legal! I could not help but feel like they just wanted to establish dominance like I was some kind of weakling under their complete control. The situation called for desperate measures. Stay tuned to find out my next attempt to circumvent the rules for the great nicotine smuggle of the century!